“In the Garden” by Joyce Kang

I was born into a pastor's home, surrounded by faith yet longing for something deeper. My earliest memories are of church pews and daily devotions, yet I felt distanced from the God my parents loved. As a child, I wrestled with deep anger and painful questions. My relationship with my father was strained, and there were moments I questioned whether even God could change him—or me.

That changed when I was eight years old. I heard the testimony of a North Korean girl imprisoned for her faith. Her story of unwavering love for Jesus stirred something in me. That night, I cried out to the God I only knew from a distance. What followed was nothing short of a divine encounter. I saw a panorama of my sins—selfishness, bitterness, hatred—and I wept for three days in repentance and joy. I knew Jesus had died for me. From that moment, faith became personal.

Astonishingly, around that same time, my authoritarian father began to change. He became more open, more gentle. I saw firsthand that no one is beyond the reach of God’s transformative grace.

At eleven, during a revival, God rekindled my calling to evangelism. I began sharing my testimony and committing my life to spreading the Gospel. But even after these spiritual highs, I faced doubt. At twelve, I considered walking away from God altogether. I gave Him one last chance: "If I don’t meet You in prayer today, I will leave." For six hours, I prayed—and then came another vision. Every moment of divine grace unfolded before me. I felt God’s presence in every part of me. From that day forward, I never doubted His existence again.

When I was sixteen, I volunteered at Yonsei University and Severance Hospital, institutions rooted in the love of God. Their mission—“Free people from disease by the love of God”—resonated deeply. John 8:32, “The truth will set you free,” became my life verse. I also clung to Isaiah 54:2-3: “Enlarge the place of your tent…you will spread out… and settle in their desolate cities.” My life’s motto was born: “Rebuild the ruined cities by the truth set free.”

That same year, I experienced a leadership crisis while serving as president of my high school Christian club. Planning a worship concert, I was blindsided when most members quit, accusing me of being too controlling. It broke me. I repented, apologized, and was forgiven. The concert went on—over 100 people came. I learned that failure could lead to grace, and that leadership must be rooted in humility and teamwork.

After high school, I served as a youth director in my father’s church. I poured everything into the ministry but made mistakes—like harshly addressing a couple’s sin from the pulpit. They left the church, and I was devastated. One night, God showed me in a dream that I was wounding His beloved children with the Word. I repented deeply. As I began listening more and judging less, the ministry flourished.

During college, I served in JOY Mission—“Jesus first, Others second, You third.” It taught me to live with joyful, liberating faith. I also felt a growing call to pastoral counseling. Studying psychology and philosophy, I prepared for seminary and interned as a counselor. In helping others, God first healed my own wounds. I found immense joy in witnessing transformation.

Marriage brought new adventures. I joined my husband in the U.S. in 2008, both of us pursuing seminary and ministry while raising young children. At Grace-Vision UMC, we served as youth pastors. It was our dream come true, though difficult to juggle ministry, studies, and family. Eventually, I stepped back to focus on motherhood while my husband continued toward ordination.

In 2012, God deepened my identity as a missionary when my husband became lead pastor of an Anglo church in Massachusetts. At first, I felt overwhelmed—alone in a new culture, ashamed of my English. But God met me in that loneliness. He reminded me of my childhood dream to live like H.G. Underwood, the missionary who founded my alma mater. I found purpose again, this time in America.

Our journey brought us to rural Maine in 2014—Houlton and Hodgdon. I was hesitant, but I came to see it as a mission field. I took up children’s ministry and women’s Bible studies while starting the ordination process. Life wasn’t easy. I gave birth to three more children, and my path to ordination was often paused. One day, I broke down, asking God, “Why call me if I’m just to stay home?” God answered, “I have never not called you.” That truth set me free. Every diaper changed, every prayer whispered over a sink—I saw it all as sacred.

Through every stage of life, one song has remained a deep comfort and companion: “In the Garden.” It is not only my favorite hymn—it is part of my very origin story. My mother received this song in her heart while carrying me in her womb, and I grew up hearing it like a lullaby of grace. I still listen to it often. Its words remind me that our Lord walks and talks with us, even in hidden and quiet places, even in sorrow and joy. That simple yet profound companionship has carried me through dark valleys and high mountaintops.

Eventually, I was called to preach. My first thought was, “Is this real?” When a mentor objected to my calling, it shook me. I slipped into depression, but through inner child healing and a spiritual retreat, God restored me. My husband, newly inspired, became my strongest supporter. Soon after, the District Superintendent asked if I could help a church in Mars Hill. We knew it was God’s confirmation.

I became a Lay Supply Pastor in 2022 and a Local Pastor in 2023. Just two months in, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. The news hit hard—but it also drew me closer to those who suffer. God allowed me to undergo treatment in Korea, and our church family surrounded us with love and prayers. I recovered slowly but gained a new compassion. I vowed to be an empathetic pastor—one who walks with the hurting.

As the UMC faced denominational strife, our congregation had to make hard decisions. Some leaders left. I felt rejected. But in those moments, God taught me to see from others' perspectives. I found healing and unity in unexpected places.

This past year, our churches have grown closer. My husband and I lead multiple congregations in shared ministry. We dream of a cooperative network across Aroostook County. This July, I will become lead pastor of Patton UMC. It’s both daunting and exciting, but I am learning again to trust the Master of my journey.

Through it all, I hold fast to my life motto:
“Rebuild the ruined cities by the truth set free.”

God found me as a wandering child, gave me vision in adolescence, healing in adulthood, and courage in suffering. I am not driven by titles or positions. I am a servant, a disciple, a missionary mom, and a Gospel pilgrim.

In this divided age, I believe God sent us as Korean-American missionaries to this land. I long to help others reclaim their callings and walk together toward God’s healing and hope.